Silk,
My wife and I were having a debate and were wondering if you can help settle it. If she were to hire a female prostitute am I entitled to half of the services?  (She says ‘no’.)
-Randy

She wants to get with another chick and pay for it? First you need to sit there and fully appreciate how lucky a cat you really are. If you’re approaching this question from a legal standpoint you may want to review your state’s marriage statutes. Giving legal advice is one bridge Silky ain’t gonna cross.

Assuming you are in fact entitled to fifty percent of the goods, I guess the way I would approach this is to rent her a hotel room and tell her to go nuts. You could set it up kind of like a gift. Maybe like apologizing for getting into a debate about the whole thing in the first place. What you don’t tell her though is that before you cut her loose you set up a hidden camera and kept one of the room keys for yourself. Rent one of those inconspicuous white vans with all the surveillance equipment inside and park it close to the hotel entrance. As soon as you see the action in the room start to get a little hot make your entrance all Goldie style. If you time your entrance right there won’t be any problem getting your half of a blowjob. Just make sure you get the last half. Trust me.

Dere Mr. Silky,
I like your cartoon it makes me laugh. I am 6 years old and I like Mega Blocs, not Legos I have a Spiderman backpack and Batman shuse. Does the moon reely eat drugz? My mommy says that tha moon is made out of cheez. Cheezes can’t eat, are you calling my mom a fucking liar bitch?
-Billy Stevens Esquire

Thanks for your support Billy I appreciate the feedback, and I hope in 12 years you’ll come back and rap at me some more. I don’t have an official policy on age but I’m pretty sure most people would agree that Ask Silky.com© is inappropriate for anyone under the age of 18. In the meantime I submit that your developing mind would benefit from spending more time with your Mega Blocs (although I have always had a strong preference to the Lego™ brand building blocks) and less time surfing the internet.  

Your mom sounds hot. I don’t know though dude, if she told you the moon is made of cheese then she probably is a fucking liar bitch. Listen you’re just a stupid kid so I don’t expect you to know much about anything but believe me when I say the moon eats the hell out of drugs. That is, when he can afford them or steal them. That son of a bitch is a deadbeat. Though he will help you move for a couple J’s and an eighteen of High Life.

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