Ugly Problem

Why are there so many ugly people?

Uglyness is probably the single biggest problem facing humanity today. Ugly people suffer from and are the cause of all of the complexes and disorders which are the root of all the world’s problems. The Iranian nuclear crisis? Have you seen those people? Feel free to mix in a shower once in awhile. Oh, and looking at a woman’s tits is awesome. Smelling them from 30 yards away is not.

Maybe one day human beings will evolve to a point where we no longer need eyes so we won’t have to look at ugly people anymore. And we’ll be able to move things around with our minds, like homeless people. Then we’ll be able to move homeless people behind buildings and parked cars and dumpsters, thereby eliminating the homeless problem forever. Until then, here are a few examples of uglies you’re likely to meet. If they haven’t eliminated themselves from the gene pool, feel free to take on the responsibility yourself.

One thing I’ll never understand is ugly, fat people feeling the need to expose their swollen, hair covered body parts especially after they’ve had their fill of adult beverages. Being fat is cool, but only if you get fat on purpose to spite those less fortunate. I think it would be awesome weigh like 400 pounds and go over to Ethiopia. They would have to cart me off the plane in a forklift because I’m too busy eating the hell out of some donuts. The only downside to being fat though, is the increased risk of dying of a heart attack from taking a dump.

If you’ve ever had a fantasy about French maids don’t scroll down to this image. I don’t mean to make fun, because this is a very unfortunate looking woman, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to sprout an erection for at least three weeks.

I’m having trouble figuring out the context of this photo, though. I mean, is this woman/thing dressing up for Halloween, or to go to work (maid or prostitute? Debatable.). Whatever the reason, she needs to put on some plain, baggy clothes and go sit in the dark somewhere away from me.

Holy shit. Looks like somebody had a few too many Little Debbie snacks from the vending machine. This guy looks like he’s about to burst in a shower of Zebra Cakes and Cosmic Brownies. I’m going to go out on a limb and say there may have been a little alcohol involved here as well.

Doesn’t this guy look about 30 seconds away from dead? Purple lips, left eye closed more than the right, those huge bags under the eyes. Antlers.

Watch out here. I think this guy’s ugly is contagious. People that look like this should not be allowed to reproduce. How is this individual’s offspring going to benefit the human race? We don’t need ugly people to help propagate the species.

Now, Silky isn’t all about just pointing out the problems without offering a solution. I mean, we can all see there is an ugly problem in the world, so what do we do about it? Think about it. Where do ugly people come from? Trailer parks.

A long term solution would be to just not build any new trailer parks. In an average year 10,000 mobile homes are torn apart by natural disasters or domestic violence. I say we just let nature run its course. After the tornadoes rip through, the ones who survive will go to war over the remaining meth labs, eliminating most of the survivors. And if there are any left, we can just hide them behind the dumpsters with the rest of the homeless people.

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