Obsessed With Star Wars

To be obsessed with anything besides money, hookers, booze, gambling, baseball, video games, hookers, money or my diamonds is totally unhealthy. It’s okay to be a fan. Hell, even Silky is a fan of the original Star Wars movies, but it’s important to temper your emotional response to what are in reality, just movies. And not even that great of movies. I guarantee there are some Star Wars fans that are not reading this sentence after that last statement. I’ve heard tell of people who dedicate large amounts of space in their homes, sometimes entire rooms, to collecting Star Wars memorabilia and planning family vacations around Jedi dress-up circle-jerks. Holy crap.

Now, when I say it’s okay to be a fan, I mean it’s okay to be a fan of the original three movies. What was awesome about them was George Lucas had the vision and creativity to take a fresh look at how to make movies. Even with Lucas’ ability to create good visual effects (note: all references to effects in movies will be referred to as visual effects and not special effects. There is nothing “special” about an effect that is used in every scene of every fucking movie) the original Star Wars films are no example of superhuman storytelling. In fact, Lucas and his team of lackeys have trouble stringing two coherent scenes together. Example:

The prequels are abominations of storytelling of such ridiculously epic proportions they have J.R.R. Tolkien doing back flips, somersaults and humping fire hydrants in his grave. Not to mention the dialogue is so painfully written I wanted to claw the balls out of my sack with a rusty screwdriver (Phillips head) for relief. Even in the original movies, which were masterworks of the English language compared to the prequels, had some seriously amateur writing, prompting this quote from Harrison Ford:

“You can type this shit, George, but you sure can’t say it”
-Actual quote from Harrison Ford
http://www.harrisonfordweb.com/quotes/

I know George Lucas wants his legacy to be computer generated images, but what made the original Star Wars films stand apart was his ingenuity and inventiveness, taking ordinary, everyday items like battleship models and making extraordinary things out of them like the Death Star. To me it doesn’t make sense to completely take actors and extras out of the battle scenes. I wager that Lucas spent more money creating digital clone troopers than he would’ve on a bunch of half-tards wearing suits and the results would’ve been eerily similar and less cartoony.

All that considered, though, even Silky spends the money to go see the movies and buy the DVD’s just like everyone else. Every time our pal George decides to add another ewok humping a stormtrooper’s leg in the background of a scene he gets some more of Silky’s dough to and does another line of blow off a hooker’s ass. As for the conventions, it’s going to be awhile before you see Silky there after what happened last time:

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