If I get a chick pregnant should I marry her?
(Apparently this is courtesy of ‘Uncle Fat Fingers’)
(Apparently this is courtesy of ‘Uncle Fat Fingers’)
Why that question would even pass between your chubby ears is beyond me. And why the hell are you asking me? If you’ve spent enough time on this site to figure out how to submit a question you probably have an idea where I stand on this. Nevertheless, some chinstraps need me to wipe their ass for them, so here goes.
There are a couple of variables involved here. I’m going with the assumption that when you say ‘chick’ you mean a female. Human. Now is this human female a prostitute or a stripper? If so, you’re completely off the hook. That crotch dropping is officially the State’s problem. If you barebacked some sloppy scab you dragged home from the greasy bar across from the 6th Avenue bus stop you might feel like you bear some responsibility. Not so. Remember, DNA tests only work when authorities can collect a sample of your DNA. If you think you accidentally planted your seed in an unshaven, bug infested garden this should be the last she ever sees of you:
There are a couple of variables involved here. I’m going with the assumption that when you say ‘chick’ you mean a female. Human. Now is this human female a prostitute or a stripper? If so, you’re completely off the hook. That crotch dropping is officially the State’s problem. If you barebacked some sloppy scab you dragged home from the greasy bar across from the 6th Avenue bus stop you might feel like you bear some responsibility. Not so. Remember, DNA tests only work when authorities can collect a sample of your DNA. If you think you accidentally planted your seed in an unshaven, bug infested garden this should be the last she ever sees of you:
Have you ever fucked a fat chick?
This question completely had to come from a woman. It’s not a question men ask each other because the answer is automatically ‘yes’. Of course. We typically don’t talk about it because it’s kind of a universal given like prostate exams and scabies. There are two things that you can be absolutely sure of: 1) as the night wears on and we are not engaged in productive conversation with a woman our standards begin to drop like a redneck’s pants at his cousin’s wedding. And if you live in an area without easy access to prostitution the scramble is even more desparate. And 2) fat chicks give way, way better blowjobs. If a girl is attractive, especially if she knows it she doesn’t have a lot of incentive to try. She knows you’re going to trip and drool all over yourself just to have a sniff at her beef curtains. And if you don’t, she knows there will be a line of chumps out the door and around the block who will. But a fat chick. Man, she’s going to do everything in her flabby power to get you off because deep down she doesn’t know when the next time someone is going to offer to slip her the pepper.
Besides, it’s important to remember...
Besides, it’s important to remember...
Where did Bad Panda come from?
From the zoo, dumbass.
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