No Update

Wow. Thanks for that thoughtful question, dipshit. I guess I would say somewhere on or around August 12. What do you think about that?

Actually, I’m not going to take any blame for the lack of updated content on this site. The illustrious illustrator, Birdman, has been spending too much time working and going to Wu Tang shows to give me the images I’ve requested. However, I think I’ve busted his balls hard enough that we should have some pictures up soon.

You know, I was originally planning on doing all my own art for this site until I realized that I’m really not creative and have no talent. So, just so you know how terrible this site would have been if it were not for Bird I thought I’d share with you some of my own personal artwork. This may be the only time you see something this awesome, so hold on to your nuts, gentlemen. And ladies, you should probably hold on to someone else’s nuts. Preferably mine.

I chose to draw this image with No. 2 pencil because its shading characteristics allowed me to better show the distress in the eyes of the little orphan girls about to be burned, and also because of its proximity on my desk.

The paper I used was only the finest quality Hewlett-Packard Everyday Inkjet 8.5”x11”, which, of course has the ideal absorbency to illustrate gasoline pooling around a car full of helpless victims.

One thing I want to point out to the reader is the perfect symmetry of the wheels on the car. It took a lot of time and care to produce an image of this quality and I totally didn’t just draw it less than five minutes before posting it on my site.

This is one of my personal favorites. The background image is from a Sesame Street coloring book featuring Oscar the Grouch. The coloring and editing was done in Adobe Photoshop.

I made this particular image partly because of a yearning desire to celebrate the oft overlooked number four, but mostly for the irony of a gaily smiling Oscar. It’s a beautiful image of one rising above adversity. Yes, he’s homeless. Yes, he lives in a smelly garbage can in a dangerous neighborhood, but he refuses to let it dominate his character. I think we can all learn something from him.

As you can see, here I decided to go back to the No. 2 pencil and I was so satisfied with the texture and consistency of the HP Everyday Inkjet paper that I used for the burning orphans that I decided to use the back of the same sheet for this image.

Now, the image should speak for itself. Everyone knows how much of a douchebag Geraldo is, and who wouldn’t want to see him crushed by a big fucking monster truck?

You know, now I’m wondering how much I really need Birdman. I mean, look at how stunning those images are. How do you beat Geraldo getting his face stomped by a monster truck? I don’t know, man. If I let Bird in on this I’ll probably end up with nothing but koala bears dipping their nuts in pudding.

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