New Year's 2007

What is your New Year’s resolution?

Almost everyone makes resolutions for the upcoming year and there are a couple of different techniques on how to narrow down exactly which one of your many imperfections you want to pretend to improve on. Some people will resolve to accomplish some major feat such as to quit smoking, losing weight, growing your Bolivian cocaine imports by twenty percent, etc. Others will aim a little lower, trying instead to come up with some relatively minor accomplishment so they might have something to wave under the noses of their sloppy, loser friends. Though, when they inevitably fail, failure on the “easy” route goes a lot farther to stomping the shit out of their already pathetic self esteem.

So what is it going to be for Silky this year? Being the selfless, giving type of person that I am, I always try to weigh how my actions will best benefit my community when confronted with important decisions like these. Complicating the issue, of course, is the fact that there are very few things left for me to improve on. However, after deep reflection and careful consideration, I have come up with the following resolution for the new year:

In 2007 I, Silky Johnson, resolve to stop killing hookers.

With my track record, that is not something to take lightly. However, after a lot of thought I came to the conclusion that although hookers appear to be empty husks of long forgotten fatherless human beings, they do serve an important function, besides providing me with income. With the disposable nature of prostitutes, this resolution will provide me with a unique challenge. Let’s see how I’ve done so far:

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