Male Cheerleaders

No. Even though I thought this one through beyond my first initial knee-jerk reaction there really was no way to sugar coat it. I’ve heard in some larger schools when dudes get cut from the athletic teams they’ll try out as cheerleaders to participate in some activity. If you’re not gay and you suck at sports you should you should take the only avenue left open to you: smoke pot and play video games. Of course marijuana use can lead to side effects like short term memory loss, sexual dysfunction and a condition marked by poor hygene and botanical affinity known as “hippie”. All which are far more likely to result in intercourse with a female than being a cheerleader.

Thankfully I don’t know every male cheerleader personally. In fact I try to keep a 200 yard gap between myself and all suspected male homosexuals (Lesbians can pile on. The hot ones, not the ones that look like Rosie O’Donnell. Those man-dykes are basically dudes anyway except for the whole having a vagina thing.). Now even though I may not know a particular male cheerleader I know he’s Chad Whiteman. He may not be named Chad Whiteman, but he’s Chad Whiteman.

You can always tell a Chad Whiteman from his pristine white sweatband (that ironically has never absorbed a drop of sweat), or his white visor that he wears upside down and backwards, or his crotch rocket, or his car stereo with ridiculous amounts of low-quality base that vibrates all of the bolts that he strategically loosened up to create the illusion of a powerful system. Chad Whiteman spends more time grooming himself than even a typical woman. I also have him figured for a sit-down pisser. Silky has spent a significant portion of his life patronizing strip clubs and never once can recall taking a slash in a rusty trough next to Chad Whiteman. And just to top it off, he always gives himself nicknames like “C-Dub” and “Hollywood”.

The only acceptable reason for a man to even consider becoming a cheerleader is being in a position to manhandle female cheerleaders. Even then, though, there has to be some serious desire for smoked meat just below the surface because, like figure skating, that’s just not something that well adjusted heterosexual males do. Besides, everyone knows that the best way to bag yourself a cheerleader is tequila. Or a sucker punch and the trunk of a Volkswagen. Of course Silky never has to worry about all that.

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